Well well well.. Look what we have here. A blog post? Is it because Mosseri’s recent Reel? Maybe. Is it because I miss pouring my heart? Maybe. Is it because I just got back from a boat ride with my co-workers on a beautiful Friday and I can’t believe how different my life looks right now? Maybe. In true nursing style… Select all that applies.
I know we’re all sick of the complaining re: Instagram algorithm and updates, and I’m not sure if it’s 100% due to the recent changes, but I feel so disconnected from my brand, my platform and you all. I know, I know – it’s also because I just started my new job and that has literally been a full-time job, but also emotionally. The way that a M-F schedule rules your life is just so incredibly different than how I functioned as a nurse working in the hospital.
I had full days between shifts, sometimes a week+, and though I was studying for a majority of those days, it wasn’t a daily return to work. It wasn’t a routine. I was used to living week by week, without knowing what to expect with a hospital schedule, very intentionally scheduling in the littlest thing such as grocery runs or how quickly I had to shower before x y and z.
Perhaps it’s the responsibility change, too. It’s such a different mindset, to know that patients are trusting me to partner with them in their health. It’s such an honor, and this long-term relationship is exactly what I desired when I went back to school to become a nurse practitioner. The 12 hours of intense, emotional support and stress for my patients were infrequent, but ultimately too taxing on my mind and my body.
I think I’ve finally found a good routine, though. Since I started my job in March, I really had to take it day by day, week by week, to learn what would be the most sustainable, fulfilling, balanced routine. I’m really enjoying early morning workouts to myself, before the sun rises, and setting a positive tone to my day. And although I am feeling stronger and more confident in my physical body, the 3-4 workouts have been a testament to how beneficial exercise and endorphins are for your mental health. Thankful for the Peloton app videos. No, I don’t have the bike. IYKYK.
Something I’ve mentioned before is how much friendship means to me, and how impossible it may feel sometimes as a young adult to make adult friendships, especially apart from work, school or religious gatherings. It’s something I’ve been working on with my therapist for a while, because friendship, community and company is becoming something that I really value in my journey to become the best version of me.
Growing up as an only child, I was often alone and didn’t have automatic friends AKA siblings. All my cousins were older than me, and while this taught me to be independent and mature, it didn’t really seem that imperative to surround myself with like-minded people until I grew away from the environments that made friendships easy – sports, sororities, roommates, clubs, church.
On a similar note, growing up in the era of social media is… perplexing. When catching up with an old friend, it’s not really catching up – it’s going over the things we know of each others’ lives from what we saw and posted on social media, and filing in the gaps. It often feels incomplete, and so inorganic. But in the same moment that I start to get the ick from this mindset, I get emo when I think about all the friendships that have come from sharing so much of myself and my life on social media.
I think a part of why I distanced myself on social media in the past couple of months is because I retreat to protecting myself and my privacy when shit goes down. But so much of myself was on display with the Clove Clara 1 launch. Every week I was on a podcast, on a Zoom interview, speaking for a nursing school cohort, in design meetings, and it was quite overwhelming. Although we worked on the shoe for a whole year, and although the timing of the shoe release was perfect, it was still incredibly stimulating and exhausting.
So when the shoe launched, I couldn’t even believe it was all happening. It was so surreal – truly. I would wake up and go to bed and not really able to remember what happened that day. The launch was also just 2 months after I graduated school and passed boards. I was feeling such a difference in emotions with the anxiety of finding my first NP job, and my own personal pressure of wanting the Clara 1 launch to be.. good enough.
I don’t think I had enough time post-Clara 1 launch to really relax and breathe before I accepted my job offer and started this entirely new routine. But wow. It’s been amazing. I’ve learned so much about myself, healthcare, what I imagine my future to look like. I feel so fortunate that I can say that I can see myself working in this environment for a long time. This is the team I want to work with for the foreseeable future, and the work life balance provided by this position is exactly what I wanted and needed.
I’m endlessly grateful for all of you though. From being with me through so many life changes such as my RN to NP transition, to family stuff, down to the little details of how I do my nails and what I eat for dinner, it really feels like we’re all growing up together. Here’s to many more years – because this is what I’m used to – sharing my thoughts, my struggles, my traumas, my lessons, my fears, my insecurities, my highs and my lows.
Because no matter our various political views, religious beliefs, upbringings and current struggles… The human experiences makes it so that we want the same, universal things. Love. Fulfillment. Joy. Purpose.
PS – No matter how annoying changes can be on Instagram.. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere <3
xx,
Clara
